The Top 5 Reasons I Hate Shaving

Yep, this is my house.
Image found here.

I wouldn't trade being a woman for anything in the world, but I do have to admit that when it comes to certain things men just get off easy. They're not responsible for hauling around a bowling ball in their bellies for 9 months, they don't know what it's like to give birth, they don't have to endure the utter horror of sitting on a public toilet seat, when they decide they want to lose weight it just starts to melt away with a few workouts because they don't store fat like polar bears the way we do, and if you see a man in heels it's because he wants to be. We women endure some serious medieval style tortures in order to live up to societal expectations of who/how we should be.

In my personal opinion, shaving falls right into the medieval category.

1. Acquiring the proper tools is freaking expensive! I'm not entirely certain who decided that $15+ was a "fair" price to charge for a package of 3 tiny scraps of metal wrapped in plastic, but I'm certain that they're rolling in dough from the highway robbery prices they charge. Granted there is the less expensive option of purchasing disposable razors, but I only recommend that if you enjoy being covered in Phineas and Ferb bandaids. I do rock a mean Perry though!

2. The amount of time it takes to shave one's legs is also nothing short of torment. Due to the time factor alone, I tend to resemble Chewbacca more often than not. It's not because I'm unwilling to make the effort, but because I'm lucky enough to have enough hot water left after 3 kids and a significant other to wash my hair, let alone to tame the wild jungle hidden under my jeans. All showers that need to exceed the 10 minute allowed limit of hot water left for mom must be taken after 10pm (if I can stay awake that late that is).

3. There is a certain ability for contortionism required in order to shave your legs properly. I truly believe that no shower was ever made with this particular activity in mind. You're always battling to either a) not wash all the expensive shaving cream down the drain while sitting in the tub (not to mention trying not to drown yourself) or b) trying to accomplish a Barnum and Bailey's style balancing act while hopping on one leg as you attempt to glide a sharp object across your skin. I don't care if you're capable of folding yourself into a human pretzel, this is just not fun no matter what way you slice it.

4.  Men are not forced to live up to the same standards that we ladies are. I believe that if we're required to keep our legs and underarms smooth and even occasionally  tame the rain forest, that men should have to meet the same standards with their faces. James and I are constantly battling over him keeping his goatee nice and neat. Personally, I'd prefer he just shaved the whole darn thing, but I can live with a little well groomed facial hair. What I don't like is when he doesn't bother with it for days at a time and it becomes the equivalent of having to kiss an electric sander. Sometimes I use the tarantula legs as a bargaining chip. "I'll shave when you do..."

5. And the #1 thing I absolutely hate about having to shave my legs... Two days later my legs start itching like I've leisurely rolled around in poison ivy! When the hair starts sprouting back you might as well hand me over a hairbrush, because I'm fully prepared to take off an entire layer of skin to JUST. MAKE. IT. STOP!

What about you?