Spoiler Alert - I'm Such A Sap

I used to be the girl who hated happy endings. They always just seemed so predictable and I prefer to be surprised. I love a plot that I can't figure out the ending. I was the only one in the theater who stood up and clapped at the end of City of Angels when Meg Ryan didn't make it back from the bike ride. (Yeah, I was a twisted moody teenager.) But since having Lena I have certainly found, shall we say, my softer side. At least sometimes.

I watched the series finale of Dexter last night and came completely unglued. I cried through the last 20 minutes and still felt like crying long after it was over. It pulled at my heart strings when Debra ended up in the coma. I felt horrible for Quinn knowing that he didn't get to say goodbye to her when she died and Dexter sunk her in ocean. But the worst part was when he didn't go back to his son Harrison. That was more than I could take.

I know that he's a psychopath and I watched him murder plenty of people during the series and never batted an eyelash. I wanted so much for him to find a happy ending with Hannah and have the family he deserved. The moment that he left his son behind just killed me!

I looked at that little boy sitting at the cafe in Argentina and couldn't help but think about the fact that he was never going to see his father again and I literally felt my heart break for him. I could never imagine in a million years not rushing back to my child's side. I tease her constantly that when the time comes that I'm going to follow her to college because I just can't imagine a moment without her right there. I don't really have any intention of following through with that threat, but I mean it when I say that I'm going to be lost without her.

I look at her every day and most of the time I don't notice how big she's getting. Every morning that she gets out of bed she's a little older, a little taller, and a little less my baby. It is kind of like watching grass grow. One day you look out the window and suddenly it's right in front of you. Grown.

I dread the idea of knowing that some day in the not so distant as it once was future, I will be kissing my girl goodbye and sending her out into the world without her mother by her side every moment of the day. I won't be there to tuck her in at night or wake up her up in morning to hear her complain about wanting "just 5 more minutes." It's a sad and happy thought all at once, but leaving her is something I would never voluntarily do.

Frankly, I wanted to reach through the TV last night and shake Dexter violently. Shame on him for leaving his child! He was so close to being normal and being able to raise his son the way he always should have and then he just walked away. It makes me mad and sappy and thinking about it makes me want to start crying all over again.

I know it's silly. It was just a show. But after watching for so many years you really do form an emotional bond to the characters. I felt the same way when the Harry Potter books ended. I have an ache and I want more. I want it to end better. I want it to end happy. I guess that's what having kids does to you. It forever turns you into mush and even imaginary people can get under your skin because you relate them to yourself.