A Letter To My Kids - The Maid Will Not Be Coming

My Dearest Children:

Your father and I are what is commonly known as the working class. While this means that we are slightly above poverty level and can still afford to do things like take you to see Disney's Frozen, it also means that we will not be hiring a maid, cook, butler, or any other form of domestic help anytime in the near future.

That being said, I would like to share a couple things that are on my mind from this weekend:

1. Please stop putting your clean folded laundry back in the basket. I'm not entirely certain which one of my lovely children decided that it would be better to pile the dirty laundry on top of the clean laundry, but as I went to start a new load this afternoon I discovered several pieces that I could swear I just washed a few days ago. Based on the fact that it was still neatly folded in the basket, I'm certain you assumed it would just be more convenient to have me wash it again then to actually put it away. Should there be another attempt to be clever when cleaning your room like that again, you will be responsible for washing your own clothes hence forth.

2. An entire bag of Doritos is not an option for lunch. On Saturday I made a large pan of Taco Bake. Since I already knew we had a lot of running to do today before the next polar vortex swoops down and possibly buries us alive (for the second time this month) I prepared a meal that would be easy for you to simply pop in the microwave so that you had something both warm and filling in your bellies. I can appreciate that seeing me walk in with several armloads of groceries fueled your appetites, but I do not believe that you were so starving at that exact moment that you couldn't wait 10 minutes for me to put it away so that you could get something to eat. Your attempt at trying to sneak away with an entire bag of Doritos was extremely brave, I will give you that. However, I will never be so distracted that I would allow you to eat a bag of chips for lunch instead of the food I spent 2 hours preparing. Nice try, but no dice.

3. You do not need half a roll of toilet paper to wipe your butts. I know that 5 people can demolish a roll of toilet paper in no time flat, this is why we buy it in bulk from Costco. I have a hard time believing though that you've peed enough to go through 2 rolls in a 12 hour span of time. There are two possible options here, either a) someone has a serious bladder infection and needs to see a doctor or b) someone just keeps rollin, rollin, rollin, when they use the potty. Since no one has complained about a burning sensation and based on the fact that I had to plunge it twice in one day... I'm thinking it's B. Please refrain from wiping your behinds with enough paper to make a quilt going forward. With the snowmageddon on the horizon, it would be a crying shame if you had to use your hands while we wait for the plows to come dig us back out again. We all know that could take a couple of days and mom will not be braving the snow drifts and black ice simply because someone decided they needed it to feel extra fluffy when they wipe.

In closing my dearest children, know that I love you all, I would not trade you for the world, and all complaints should be forwarded to dad...

Sincerely,

Mom

I Could Never Be Amish!

I never thought the sight of my kitchen light being on could fill me with so much joy! I was like a kid on Christmas morning jumping up and down for joy when I pulled into the drive last night. Call me spoiled, but after 3 long days power has finally been restored to our house and I have no idea how the Amish do it! Let me tell you, you don't know what a hot commodity running water and lights are until you don't have it!

Sunday we had spent the day downtown at the Museum of Science and Industry. We knew there were storms, we knew they were bad (James and my brother-in-law were grumbling about the cancelled Bears game), but in all honesty we were really none-the-wiser about just how bad they were. While massive tornadoes were leveling parts of Illinois and Indiana we were safely nestled inside the museum enjoying the Disney Archives exhibit. If I have internet at home restored later today, I will upload all of the photos to my Facebook and Google+.

When we had left our house it was clear out and when we left the museum it was clear out. However, we came home to the power being out. Now, I'm fully aware of the fact that we live in the sticks and this does tend to happen out here. Usually we lose it for about half a day to a day and then we're good to go again. Knowing this, I wasn't overly concerned and I actually rather enjoyed our first evening without power. Since no one could zone out with the TV, James couldn't get internet on his iPad, and we weren't messing around on our cells phones to conserve the battery just in case (they double as our alarm clocks) we dusted off a good old fashion board game and played by candle/lantern light. I may have been the only one who found spending an entire day unplugged thrilling, but Lena and James didn't complain too much. We went to bed that night figuring we would wake up to the power being on.

Well.... No such luck. Even then, I wasn't really concerned, I assumed it would be back when we got home. Lena on the other hand was a little stressed out about it. "Mom, how am I going to charge my new Kindle??" Plain and simple... You don't. Not exactly the answer she was looking for, but she sucked it up all the same. Monday afternoon, I received a call from a Nipsco technician following up about the pole down that I had reported the night before. He assured me that they were in route and that they would get the problem fixed. See, no worries right?

After speaking with him, it didn't occur to me that I should have arranged additional coverage for Lena after school. She's okay to be home alone for a couple of hours until either James or I gets off work. When I got home, I fully expected to find Lena glued to her Kindle with a kitty in her lap. I did not expect to find a dark house with a terrified tween freezing in the dark with a lantern. (There goes that Mother of the Year Award... Again.)

It took me all of 5 seconds to decide she simply could not stay here. I called my parents and let them know I was bringing them a grand baby immediately. Lena packed her bag quickly and then we hit the road for the 50 minute drive to Gramma's house. Now that the powers returned, she'll be coming home today. She's not going to enjoy the make up homework she'll have, but at least I knew she was warm and fed and could flush the toilet (it's the little things that matter).

I am beyond thrilled to have power back, because I was downright freezing my ass off! But I do have one thing to say about how no power messed up my usual routine...

HOLY LAUNDRY BATMAN!!!

Maybe the whole no power thing wasn't so bad after all. Oh well, back to the grind I guess.