Whoever Said Dogs Are Your Best Friend, Evidently Never Owned a Cat

I mentioned a few days ago that we were kid free this week, which in and of itself sorta makes me a little crazy. She's been texting me at night though, which has made it bearable for the most part.

However, I am now suffering from sever sleep deprivation because she's not home and I'm officially over it.

Source

We have two cats... Dean is mine and Sam is her's. Sam, surprisingly, is handling her being gone far worse than I am. I'm not sure if anyone remembers Tiny Toon Adventures, but I swear that Lena is the reincarnation of Elmira. And yet, he seems to miss her terribly and has been pacing around the house crying and searching for her in the middle of the night.

Last night, he woke me up at 1am with his non-stop low pitched sobbing. No matter what I did, I couldn't get him to shut up! He was even crawling under her covers in search of his girl. It was cute, but also extremely annoying at the same time. It took me an hour to get him calmed down enough for me to go back to bed.

At this point, I don't care how many heart melting texts she sends me. I need her to come home. I need some sleep!

Now that's true love!

New Wheels and a Week With No Kids Makes This Mama Lose Her Mind

It was a BIG weekend for us. Paige officially got her very first car. Technically, she started the process of purchasing it about 6 weeks ago. But the car was bought from one of James' coworkers for only $500 and there were a few things that needed to be done to it before it was road ready. Her license plates finally arrived on Friday, so we took the car in to have the new windshield put on for her that very same night. By Saturday afternoon, she was off! I mean it. Less than 10 minutes of having the car, she was gone.

James of course immediately started having a panic attack. I think he was looking at his phone every 5 minutes to see if the National Guard was calling because something might have happen to her. But she made it to and from work on her own for the first time safe and sound.

Paige and I actually have a lunch date tomorrow since the shop I work at is also putting new tires on the car for her. She worked really hard to purchase her car and we're beyond proud!

While James was busy stressing out about Paige driving, I was busy packing up Lena to spend her entire week long spring break at her best friend's new house. She's never spent that long anywhere but Grandma's house before, so agreeing to part with her for such an extended period of time was a big deal for me.

The little boy on the left is her best friend in the whole world and he moved over Christmas break. It's been 3 full months since they've seen each other since he now lives 2 hours away from us. They talk almost every day, but Lena's been in bit of a slump since he's been gone. She doesn't really play with any of the other kids in our neighborhood. I tried to get her to go out and ride her bike the other day while it was nice, but she asked me what's the point since her friend is not there anymore anyway. 

When his mom called last week and asked if she could take her for spring break, because he's missing her just as much as she's missing him, I sucked it up and let her go. I'm certain she's having a blast and I'm sure that's why she hasn't called her mother in 48 hours.

I'll be picking her up next Sunday, so that means that James and I have an entire week with no kids. The house was uncomfortably quiet for me last night after we took Anne home. So uncomfortably quiet in fact that I told James that maybe we should have another baby. We've tossed the subject around here and there, but in that moment I was dead serious about it.

I'm not really sure what to do with myself without a single kid in the house and it makes me wonder what I'm going to do in a few years when they're really gone.

 

The Good Wife's Guide - The Revised Addition

We women have fought for equality for decades. According to The History Channel, the fight for women's suffrage began back in the 1820's and 1830's. We women have rebelled against the "cult of womanhood" that defined a "true" woman as someone who is faithful, pious, and submissive to home and husband. To earn this equality we have marched, picketed, gone on hunger strikes, and our 1960's sisters will live in infamy for burning their bras.

Thanks to countless numbers of of surly motivated mamas we now enjoy the freedom to vote, the right to choose what we do with our own bodies, we have the ability to work outside our homes if we want, and one of my personal favorites... The right to wear pants. I am grateful each and every day for the ladies that paved our yellow brick road to conquering the American Emerald City.

However, I don't think the battle of the sexes will ever actually be over. I think every modern girl/woman has seen a copy of the 1955 Housekeeping Monthly article on how to be a "good wife." We may work just as hard as our men (sometimes harder) and yet the 1950's Housewife stereotype is still expected to be fulfilled in many ways... After you deposit your paycheck that is.

Well, I'll be the first one to tell you that I can't live up to these guidelines. I get annoyed when I see the gender stereotype rear it's ugly head in my home. Tonight was one of those nights and it got me thinking. So I've made a few modern revisions...

1. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready in time for his return. This is a way of letting him know you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed. 

I'm the last one home each day and my idea of "planning ahead" is having a bag of Tyson Chicken Nuggets sitting in the freezer. Don't feel like waiting 5 whole minutes for the microwave? Guess what, pop tarts are not just a breakfast food. Enjoy!

Okay, I admit that I'm pretty good friends with my crock pot, but not because I'm thinking of him or even the kids. Mostly it's because I'm thinking about the fact that I am sick and tired of being asked "What's for dinner?" before I can even get my shoes off. And the fact that I don't want to live on hamburgers and frozen pizza.

2. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

Gay and interesting huh? That one's easy! I'll just break out the Zumba game for Xbox Kinect. I am blessed with the all the grace and elegance of a Fat Amy doing the mermaid dance.

If that fails to get a laugh and chase the boring out of his day, there's always my sarcastic wit to the rescue!

3. Be happy to see him.

Okay, he can keep that one. I am happy to see him. Except when he's asking "What's for dinner?"

4. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Says who?

Don't get me wrong, I'm interested in how his day went. But you can only hear about so many water tanks before it gets a little boring.

My story about the crazy customer that kept wishing me god's blessings a 1,000 times while he rambled on for half an hour about how we needed to replace his entire mile long driveway in the boon docks because he was not approved for a credit card and his car leaked oil on it is way more amusing.

Technically, wouldn't letting me talk first tackle the whole being gay and interesting requirement?

5. Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

This one right here is what got under my skin tonight.

I've mentioned before that we live in the middle of nowhere and whenever he needs something from town, I'm expected to go with. No questions asked. On the rare occasion that I protest, he whines about it.

When I asked him to run into town with me this evening, by the look on his face, you would think I asked him to lick my toes for me or something.

God forbid he have to leave the house when he doesn't feel like it!

Question I shall. Always.

Until the day comes when he remembers to put his car payment in the mail without me reminding him for two weeks beforehand, setting out the checkbook, with the stamps on top... I am the master of this household thank you very much.

6. A good wife knows her place.

Indeed I do (see #5).

If you'd like to check out the full version of this article click here.

Sarcastic commentary not included.

Weigh In Wednesday Kick Off - My Promises to Myself

In an effort to curb some of my recent negative obsession with my weight, I have decided to make a contract with myself.

1. I will not set unrealistic expectations for myself: To sit here and say that I will never again order a pizza on a Friday night or saying that I will work out every. single. day. is just setting myself up for failure. I will commit to doing the best that I can at each moment. No more. No less.

2. I will learn to shut up: I got a rude awaking on Monday night that the way I see myself is negatively impacting my daughter. I will not be opening my mouth to put myself down anymore. I'm going to follow the old rule of "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." 

3. I will limit my posting about this subject to one day a week: Just like there is no reason to torment my children with this, there is also no reason to keep torturing the mom blogging community either. To date (not including this one) I have counted 9 posts on the subject since I started my blog this year. It's certainly not amusing me and I'm fairly certain it's not amusing anyone else either. I am more than just my weight and I want to make sure that I'm focusing on things I do like instead.

That being said, I will be doing a Weigh in Wednesday ONLY, to report my progress and my feelings on the subject.

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I had mentioned on Sunday's post that I officially decided that I needed to back on ACE. I'm happy to report that my order arrived Monday and I have been taking it for the past two days and am already getting results again. 

For the past few months, I've been working out here and there and also making a huge effort to be mindful of what and how much I eat. Despite the efforts I have been making though the scale wasn't budging even a pound. In the two days since I started back on the program, I am please to report that the scale finally moved!

Created by MyFitnessPal - Nutrition Facts For Foods

I'm so relieved to have the help of this product again. I loved it the last time and I'm falling in love with it all over again. I am not a believer in miracle pills and I know that nothing out there will do all the work for me, but ACE does help and I know from my past experience (see below) that I can't do this without it. 

Oh, I made one more decision too. I'm not just going to be a customer this time. I also volunteered to be a consultant for them because I believe in this product that much. If you're interested in learning more about it, please feel free to email at almost2nowhere@gmail.com or just click on the banner below and it will take you straight to the website.

How I See Myself is Damaging My Daughter

James and I have a nickname for Lena... Sonar. I swear that child hears literally everything. She can be in her room, with the TV on, while we're clear across the house, and all of a sudden she will chime in randomly to our conversations. We know that if we want to have any sort of private conversation that we had better go outside into the garage and most likely rev up the lawn mower, possibly while she's "sleeping," just to be on the safe side if we don't want her to ease drop on what we're saying.

Yet somehow, it never occurred to me to mask or filter out some of the things I say about myself. If you read my last post, then you know I've been feeling a little, um, self conscious lately.  Even when writing the post though, I admit that I carefully filtered out some of the harsher things I've been thinking (and saying) about myself as of late. Not once did it occur to me though that I should be applying that filter here in my own home.

Typically, we think of home as the place where we should be allowed to be ourselves. A place where we should be totally comfortable speaking our minds and being who we are without shame. I've always had the attitude that I won't pretend to be someone I'm not, but I think maybe I've let it "all hang out" just little too much in the past few months. And here's why...

Lena stood in the living room today and pulled out the waistband of her pants and told me straight faced "Mom, I think I'm losing a little weight. Look, I'm not as fat as I was before."

Excuse me, what???? 

Does this look like a fat kid to you? No? Me either!!! I blame some of this on my mother and her telling Lena a month ago that she needed to start being more girly because, and I quote, "Kids in middle school are mean and they'll call you a lesbian." I wish I was kidding about this, but I'm not. She's said the same thing to me plenty of times, but it was usually that I'm a fat lesbian (and people wonder why I have issues sometimes). Let's just say I had a not so nice little chat with Gramma....

That comment has kicked off a new concern for what other kids might think about what she wears and how her hair looks. I've been trying to help her work through that, but ultimately, that specific comment about her weight tonight is my fault. I've been talking about my own weight somewhat obsessively for the past few months and I've been in overdrive since I placed my order to get back on ACE. I did get my order today and honestly I'm excited, but I don't think I know I didn't present it in a positive way.

I don't remember what I said exactly, but I believe my comment was something along the lines of "Woo hoo it's here! Now I won't have to be such a fat ass."  Again, not word for word, but you get the point.

In the moment that my beautiful daughter stood there in front of me concerned because evidently she thinks she's fat, I started silently cussing myself out in my head. Here I've been trying to do damage control for my mother's comment to her and all the while I've been inflicting my own low self-esteem onto her while telling her as long as she's happy with herself than nothing else matters. Basically, I'm discrediting myself and in a way validating the bullshit that comes out of my mother's mouth. Fan-freaking-tastic!

While I can't instantaneously promise to see myself in a whole new light, I can promise not to open my trap anymore in front of Lena.

How I see and feel about this....

....will stay on here and only here.

I'm Going Back on ACE Weight Loss

I have always struggled with my weight. If you've been a reader of mine for a while, then you know over the past few months I have been trying to get it back under control again. I've tried Jillian Michaels - 30 Day Shred (personally I think she's a sadist),Wii Active Personal Trainer (my personal favorite), removing all junk food from the house, living off of Lean Cuisine meals, and even dragging my children out for a 2 mile walk in the snow and so far, I haven't lost a single freaking pound!

I came to the conclusion long ago that I have no natural metabolism. I'm not certain why that is, but I can tell you that every woman in my family (with the exception of one lucky sister) suffers from the same issue. We're all short and round. And we're not talking cute Pillsbury Dough Boy round, we're talking Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man round!

I have never wanted and/or expected to look like a Victoria's Secret model or anything, but I would prefer not to be out of breath while doing simple things like taking a walk around the block or switching loads of laundry.

A few years ago my cousin had started losing weight like crazy (again, we're all short and round in this family). We usually see her about once a month or so and the transformation that she had gone through in such a short amount of time got my attention really quick. Turns out, she had started taking a supplement called A.C.E. After seeing what it had done for her, I had her help me order some for myself as well.

After only 3 months of being on it I lost approximately 50 lbs! It helped give me the energy I needed to go out and do things and most importantly it helped control my appetite. I admit that I'm a binge eater. I will go most of the day without being hungry and then the moment I get bored, I look for something to eat and then end up consuming ridiculous amounts of crap that I should not be shoving in my face in the first place.

For the longest time I was doing well maintaining my weight without it. It had given me the jump-start I had needed and had gotten my body in habit of actually burning calories instead of storing them like a polar bear. I was active and I felt good in my own skin for the first time in forever! 

I've been off of it now for almost 3 years and in this last year the weight has gradually been creeping back on. But it wasn't until back in January when James made a comment about how I used to look better that it really hit me how badly I had let it spiral out of control again. That's when I had made the decision to get serious about it again and believe me, I have been trying, but nothing seems to be working at this point.

So this week, I decided it was time to go back to the one thing I have EVER found that works for me. I'm going back on A.C.E. because I need help. I just can't do this on my own and that's okay.

I Love You... But I'm Sick of You

It's no secret that this winter has been absolutely miserable! I'm tired of hearing on the radio every morning about the potential snow that we still might be getting this weekend. The Spring equinox is supposed to be here in 6 days, however, it doesn't appear that we'll be getting any reprieve despite that fact.

Along with the ice, sleet, snow, and the extension of the school year well into June; a general dislike of one another has started to become increasingly noticeable as the winter drags on.

Quite frankly, we're all sick of each other here in the Nowhere household. We have literally spent the last 3 months stuck with each other in a relatively small space and it's really starting to show in the following ways:

1. If you speak, it's at your own risk! Everything that anyone says at this point is annoying. No matter what it is. There is also no limitation on the amount of snarky comments coming from every member of the family. Someone has a snappy sarcastic comeback on the tip of their tongue at all times these days. The simplest of phrases such as "Can you hand me the milk from the fridge?" has inspired all sorts of sighs, grunts, and cheap shots like "Why, are your legs broken or something?"

2. Germs are on a recycle program: We have spent a fortune so far at Walgreen's on what seems to be an endless amount of cold medication. Thank goodness for coupons (Lucky You! 20% off on select items sitewide)! Since we're not able to open the windows (though I have some days anyway) the germs that have been infesting all of us just seem to keep jumping from host to host. I think there have only been a few days back to back where no one felt like garbage. During our latest episode of When Germs Attack I actually pulled out the air mattress and ousted James from sharing the bed with me. Enough is enough already!

3. TV has become the enemy: We actually have 3 TV's with 3 cable boxes, yet somehow this has not seemed to detour fights. Everyone wants to use the "big" TV in the living room because they're bored with being in their own rooms at this point (James and I included). You can only spend so much time confined to one room of the house before you start going a little crazy. One would think that you could just select something "for the whole family" but that doesn't seem to work out either since no one can agree on what to watch anyway.

4. Lena actually wants to move: We've known for several months now that we will be moving this summer when our lease is up. Both James and I commute about an hour to work each way every day and honestly, we were ready to move last year. Lena on the other hand has the valid argument of not wanting to leave her school and her friends. She's been in the same school for all of elementary and we decided that we would let her finish up this last year in her school. This morning however, Lena told me that she's actually ready to move! We need more space and the confinement that this winter has brought has actually managed to convince her that it's time!

5. The kids were willing to hike 2 miles in the snow just to get out of the house: Last Sunday we couldn't stand being in the house for even one more moment. James was sick and crabby, Lena and Anne were whining non-stop, and Paige was actually thrilled that she had to go to work. Since it was around a whopping 40 degrees I decided to take Lena and Anne out to a nature center after taking Paige to work so that James could get some sleep. I've been trying to send them out doors to play all winter, but after a couple of times they lost all enthusiasm. The girls were so relieved to be out of the house that they didn't even complain.

The sight of them running away from me was actually the most beautiful thing I've seen in months!

Have you noticed any of this in your house?

Everything You Need to Know About Life You Can Learn From Playing Tetris

When I was younger, I used to love playing video games. Mostly because my dad loved them and my dad was my hero. Anything he loved... I loved. Even though I don't play much these days, I still have a fond affection for them.

On Saturday morning, James and the kids were still fast asleep and I was completely awake. I decided to do something I haven't done in ages and sit down to lose myself in a game of Tetris for a while. Tetris by far has always been my favorite video game. For the most part, I lose interest in games quickly. Tetris however, I can zone out and play for up to an hour or more sometimes.

As I was playing, I realized that Tetris is a lot like life.

1. Our view of the "future" is really short sighted: I remember the age old question in school about What do you want to be when you grow up? Sure, we make plans, set life goals, and daydream about where we're going to be in 5 years. When you're a kid you carefully map out the career you're going to have, the prince charming you're going to marry, the house you're going to buy, and the perfect 2.5 children you're going to have. But it doesn't always work out that way. The truth is, you never really know what you're going to come up against. Sure, you have a glimpse, a guess, an idea, but only for a few steps ahead of where you really are in that moment.

2. Life is one gigantic puzzle: Life is as unpredictable as it comes. I certainly never planned to be a single mom at the age of 19, but it happened. Don't get me wrong, looking at it now I love that I had Lena as young as I did, but at the time I found out I was having her it wasn't part of the game plan. I was in college, young and in love, and well... dumb. I had to figure out how to fit those pieces together in order to get to the next level. And, as it turns out, I had to figure it on my own (well sorta, my family helped a whole lot!) There was no trading them, no undo button, and no way to stop them as they fell from the sky. I simply had to figure out where to put them.

3. The longer you play the game, the faster it goes: Now that I'm 30, time is literally flying by. Just yesterday I could swear I was snapping pictures of my kindergartner with her fancy Little Mermaid backpack on. I blinked and now we're having conversations about what it's going to be like when she starts middle school this fall. I continuously threaten to invent a time machine so that we can go back to the days when she actually let me put her hair in pigtails, but the more I fight against time, the faster it seems to disappear. At this point in the game, it's keep up or get the hell out of the way.

4. The pieces don't always fit perfectly: No one lives a picture perfect life. It's inevitable that somewhere in our journey through human existence that we're going to face a few trials.You can either make the best of it and make it work to your advantage or you can throw your hands up and let the whole thing blow up in your face. Sometimes, no matter what you do, it blows up anyway and you have to just pick up the pieces and start over.

5. It's a game, ENJOY it: It sounds cliche to say that life is too short to take it too seriously, but it's true. We're all just a tiny blip on the radar of time and we shouldn't waste a single moment that we're given. Forget about the mental picture you have of what life should be like and appreciate what's right in front of you. Laugh when you find something that amuses you, cry when a moment tugs at your heart strings, go ahead and breathe fire when something pisses you off, and remember to cherish every day for the value it holds. Today, tomorrow, and next year is an adventure, so let go and have some fun!

NO! I Will NOT Sign The Punishment "Behavioral" Contract the School Sent Home Today!

Dear Mrs. Teacher, Mrs. Principal, and Mrs. Student Councilor:

I apologize, but I will not be signing the behavioral contract that I received this evening that was sent home with Lena. There are several reasons why I am making this decision, despite my daughter's protest. For starters, I'm very well aware of the fact that there was an incident that occurred this week where several of the 5th grade students in Lena's class were being bullied via Instagram. She came home extremely upset the other day because one of her friends was a target of this horrific behavior. Initially when I saw that there was a letter stapled to her assignment notebook, I assumed it was a notification to the parents regarding this matter. I must say that I am absolutely shocked that instead of communicating what is happening in the classroom we are sent home a contract asking for blanket permission to punish our children however you see fit to in the moment based on extremely broad and undefined expectations. 

I am even more disturbed by this because it states that parents will be contacted after the child has received the chosen consequences. Which I have trouble believing will happen anyway. For example: Lena has already received one of the consequences on this list this week. She admits that she failed to complete an assignment as expected and therefore had to forfeit recess in order to finish it. While I absolutely agree with this choice, there has certainly been no contact with me what so ever regarding this matter. 

In fact, I have not been contacted about anything this year. The only communication I have received about anything is a check box on her progress reports that come home every few months. It has been me who has reached out to the school asking for more information when the box was marked "needs improvement", not the school reaching out to me to let me know my child needs help. We parents are not in the classroom and therefore we rely on the school to communicate with us when something is going on with our children there. If the school is willing to let our kids fall behind for months at a time academically, I have an extremely hard time believing that communication will be forthcoming regarding their behavior. Especially since in my personal experience, just this week, the school has already failed to uphold a "promise" in the contract. 

I am extremely lucky that Lena is honest with me about what goes on even when she knows there may be additional repercussions here at home for misbehavior at school. Even when she told me about missing recess this week, I defended Mrs. Teacher’s choice and told her that if she doesn't complete her work then she should miss recess. However, there have been times when she's been clipped down for things that were not even her fault, such as when I forgot to sign her assignment notebook due to one of the many 2 hour delays that we've had this season. I don't get a two hour delay from work and it slipped my mind, yet my daughter received the punishment for my actions. 

Personally speaking, I've always disagreed with the "clip" system at Lake Prairie. I feel it publicly embarrasses our children in front of their peers and this certainly isn't the appropriate way to discipline children. When you embarrass, degrade, and diminish children (especially in front of their friends) this only leads to increased anxiety which perpetuates the cycle of bad behavior. The clip system has been in place all year and based on the fact that the contract was sent home, evidently this method isn't working. 

I have been a Lake Prairie mom for many years and at the end of the day I have a great appreciation for everything this school has been for and done for my daughter. However, the letter attached to the contract did not have one positive thing to say about the students. The long list of negative comments struck me in a way that I simply couldn't let go. I fully expect that Lena will not be clipped down or punished in any way for my decision. I do not want her involved in this in anyway, which is why I chose to send an email rather than a note. Should you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me directly. 

Sincerely,

Laura Stephenson

Cat Years, Pee Pee, and a Spleen

We've all heard that kids say the darnedest things. Here are just a few questions Lena's asked me this week that made me pause for a moment... And then burst out laughing.

Mom, did you know you're 210 in cat years?

Nope, I didn't actually. I'm exceptionally proud that she's able to do multiplication in her head... randomly... However, I wish she wouldn't use it as a weapon in her daily goal of making me feel old. 

Did that sign just say pee pee?

Turns out it was Pepe's Restaurant. I suppose when you're cruising along at a whooping 30 miles an hour, it's easy to get confused. Or it could have been the fact that her face was buried in her Kindle. Either way, I will never eat there again without thinking about bodily functions.

Dean, you're smushing my spleen... 

Mom, what's a spleen?

After I finished laughing, I actually had to admit I had no idea. Best advice I could give her was to ask her Auntie Bear who's a nurse. Maybe we'll both learn something from that one!

ShareThis Social Buttons for Blogger

All and all, I'm pretty satisfied with having my blog hosted through Blogger. I've considered a few times making a switch over to WordPress, mainly because I would love a personalized URL. If I'm being honest though, I don't really feel like paying for it.

For the most part, I really love the gadgets. They are easy to use and thanks to the wonders of HTML, I can add just about anything I want whether it's pre-programmed for the Blogger platform or not. I will admit that I have never been really impressed with the social sharing options though.

I've always had them, but they don't really standout the way I would like them to.

They're already built into the design template that I'm using and let's face it... They're B-O-R-I-N-G!

I wanted something with a little more...um... pizzazz. After a couple days of searching the web for a suitable replacement I managed to find ShareThis. The best part about it, it was free to get my new buttons!

It was also extremely easy to get registered with them. If you're like me, you get tired of filling out the same information over and over and over again (this is why everything is stored in my Chrome). All I had to do was select which social network I wanted to use. In my case, Google+.

Once you're logged in you can "get sharing" by selecting which network you want to get the buttons for. 

Then choose your style.

Customizing the look of your new buttons is extremely simple... Just drag and drop.

Once you've completed your desired arrangement click on the green "get code" button. This will bring you to the next page where you can highlight on copy the code to past into your HTML gadget for Blogger.

Then you have a brand new, eye catching, simple way for readers to engage and share your content. Now if only I could figure out where in the coding the old social buttons are to remove them, I'd be in perfect shape!

I am not an affiliate of ShareThis, nor was I compensated for this review.

#28LovelyDays Instagram Challenge

For the month of February I joined in the #28LovelyDays Instagram Challenge with @clickitupanotch and @shutterbagusa. The goal was to take a photo each day of something that you love and/or are thankful for. 

Here's my month of February through the Instagram lens (I may have went just a little over 28)...

It was an absolute blast doing this. Same days I feel I did better than others, but I would certainly do something like this all over again!

Follow me here @almost2nowhere

I made a lot of great connections during the challenge too. Here are just a few of the many talented ladies that I found:

• @gweb202
• @hmwebsterphoto
• @ljc04
• @ginimorgan
• @annabarela

Daddy Daughter Dance Photos

At this moment, Lena is out dancing her butt off with her Papa at her final Daddy Daughter Dance. She was so beautiful tonight. I managed to keep it together (barely) and not cry all over her dress.

5 Tidbits of Unsolicited Parenting Advice I Could Have Used

I've seen plenty of posts lately talking about receiving unsolicited and unwanted parenting advice. Other people: parents, friends, and even complete strangers are constantly dishing out tips on how you should raise your children. I've noticed a commonality with all the various stories though... Each and every one of them has younger children, mainly babies and toddlers.

It got me to thinking about all the advise that I used to get on how to raise Lena "right." Some things, I admit, made perfect sense. For example, testing how hot the bottle is on your wrist. No one wants to scald their baby's throat, so I get this little tidbit and found it helpful direction in navigating the minefield that being a new parent is.

There were other things however that were in all truth, no one's freaking business. For instance, my mother used to be completely horrified that I would watch CSI while my 2 year old was still awake. She insisted that by having it on, even though Lena was zoned out with her Dora kitchen, that I was going to cause permanent damage to my daughter's developing psyche. It's 10 years later and I've never heard my daughter talk about wanting to cut up dead bodies, so I think I'm in the clear.

The funny part about it all is, that once your kid hits kindergarten, the random dribble of advice just sorta stops. I don't know if people suddenly decide that if your kids have reached school without ending up dead or flaying small animals that you must be an okay parent after all or if they just assume the damage is done at this point so why waste their breath. Either way, it's usually a very welcomed form of silence.

There are a few things though that I wish someone would have warned me about...

1. You will be repeating elementary school: When I was pregnant and in the beginning stages of raising Lena, no one ever bothered to mention that when she went to school, that I'd be going through school right along with her. Sure, I don't have to sit through the class, but the homework that they send in her "mail" folder each night does occasionally make me feel like I probably should have just attended right along side her that day. I've noticed with each passing year, I feel dumber and dumber, because I can't for the life of me recall half the crap on her worksheets. I am grateful each and every single day for being part of the internet generation. I honestly don't know how parents survived without it! If it wasn't for Google and Siri, I'm fairly certain that Lena would be turning her homework back in blank. In the real adult world I have never needed to know what a composite number is, nor has anyone every quizzed me in a job interview on all 50 freaking states and their capitals (I sure could tell you today what they are though!).

2. What age is appropriate for your child to begin shaving: We've reached the beginning stages of puberty and it's no longer just one hairy armpit. Hair is starting to sprout up for Lena like she's a human Chia Pet. There is no part of me that is comfortable handing over a razor blade to my tween, so we've been taming the wild underarm jungle with Nair at the moment. However, she's going to reach a point where it'll be just a little too weird for mommy to wipe away the hair while she stands topless in the bathroom. I'm not entirely sure when I'm supposed to let go and take her shopping for her first Venus and Skintamate set.

3. If your child is the same gender as you, your clothes will end up missing: In our house, this can usually be blamed on James. He is almost 100% incapable of distinguishing my clothes from the girls. Just this weekend Lena came into our room while we were putting away the millionth load of laundry to return a few pairs of my pants he'd put in their pile by mistake. It's not always his fault though. My tank tops seem to be a free for all that Lena just helps herself to in the morning when she's getting ready for school. If I make the mistake of brushing my teeth too long, I may go to grab my top and find it on her already. You snooze you lose when it comes to your clothing when they get older I guess. Warning: this also applies to shoes if you and your daughter happen to wear the same size.

4. Pulling out the camera will suddenly make your child disappear: That previous happy go lucky toddler that was once cheesing it up for the camera so they can see the picture of themselves will eventually run in utter terror if there is a camera present. Please see How to Pee Alone for a brief demonstration. It's a handy little trick when I want a moment to myself, but I have yet to figure out over the last 3 years how to con my beautiful daughter into letting me take a photo of her that doesn't resemble a mug shot.

I'm probably going straight to parenting hell for this one.

5. You will never be cool again: Everything you do and/or will do is going to be criticized from now until, well, forever. The goofy dancing that I do many a morning while we're getting ready used to elicit endless laughter and even a little jig right along with me... Now, she points out every single piece of my body that jiggles to make me stop. I'm not really sure how I'm "embarrassing" her when we're at home. Alone. But she seems to live in constant fear that someone, somewhere, anywhere, might find out that her mother dances in the morning and it's JUST NOT COOL. At the very least I've accepted this fact and am currently wearing the "My Mom's a Nerd" cap with pride and waiting for the perfect moment to display it in public so I can at the very least live up to her expectations. I wouldn't want to disappoint her after all.

That's it in a nutshell. Well, for today at least. What advice do you wish you would have had?

Dress Shopping and Olaf for Dessert

It's that time of year again for Lena's Daddy Daughter Dance. She's taking her Papa again this year since her dad's a douche bag she's taken all of the uncles and it's his turn again. It's a happy and sad moment for me all at the same time. I love seeing her all dolled up, but this will be her last DDD. I'm not ready for her to be so darn big just yet.

::sigh::

Saturday morning after my coffee, me and the girls hit the road and headed up to the mall in Merrillville. In prior years, we combed the many stores in search of the perfect dress. We have learned that Sears is the only place worth our while. Lena gets a beautiful dress and my wallet doesn't produce moths fluttering from it after we're finished. It's a win-win for both of us.

In typical girl fashion, we snagged easily 30 dresses off the racks to play around in. Some of them we already knew she wouldn't take home, but it's just fun to try them on sometimes.

Usually my sister comes along with us, because as Lena likes to remind me, I really have no sense of "style." Unfortunately for her, Auntie was working this year, so mom was who she was stuck with. In beginning she was a little bummed out that there wasn't a buffer when it came to dress selection, but in the end, I picked out the winning dress!

Here are just a few of the dresses she tried on...

I thought it was super cute, but apparently pink is
no longer cool anymore.

This one was on clearance and I begged to take it home
as a summer dress. "Mom, I can't climbs trees in this though!"

Lena even started busting a move, right up until she realized I wasn't just taking a picture...

This was my favorite dress because it made her look
sophisticated. But according to my girls it was
BORING! See, no style.

And the winning dress was...

The one with the best twirlability... Of course.

Funny though, she didn't even want to try it on at first.

Once we had found "the one" and were heading toward the checkout, we spied a gigantic stuffed Olaf from Disney's Frozen.

Yep, leave it to my girls, they tried to eat him.