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Showing posts with label Failed Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Failed Parenting. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Toddlers in Tiaras - Are These Parents For Real?

Thanks to the seemly endless amount of of snow days we've had so far this year, Lena has become best friends with our Netflix account. Usually I'm an advocate for limiting the amount of TV intake the kids are allowed. I'm one of those mean mom's that force their children to go out and play instead of sitting in the house rotting their brains away with hour after hour of electronic entertainment.

High five if you catch my reference!
However, the temperature has refused to budge above zero almost the entire freaking month for the last 4 days. There is no where to go and I don't have enough indoor activities up my sleeve to keep anyone entertained for the 64 waking hours of subzero temperatures we've just endured. So... I gave up... The brain melting-inator was all hers!

When I came home Monday evening though, Lena wasn't feeling her very best (despite not being allowed out in the frigged tundra) and all she wanted was to cuddle up with mommy and watch Netflix. Seemed like a perfectly reasonable request to me... What I didn't know is that while I was away at work, she'd stumbled upon Toddlers in Tiaras and that I was about to be subjected to it for the reminder of my evening.

I have never watched an episode of this show prior to this and now I know exactly why. Those parents are absolutely nuts! While the princess phase is long gone in our household, I was certainly never opposed to letting Lena prance around in fluffy dresses under and atomic cloud of glitter. It made her happy and that's all that mattered to me.

But these parents have taken it to a whole other level! Personally speaking, I think pageants are just a little too much. Our daughters will already have to suffer through years of feeling bad about the way they look once they hit middle school anyway. So why in the hell are these parents putting their kids through that before they're even able to walk? It seems to me that they're setting them up for potentially a lifetime of low self-esteem and that's something that no girl needs help with!

I watched in absolute horror as one mom said that she takes her 6 year old spray tanning to help cover up "her imperfections." Excuse me, she's 6 years old! What imperfections could a little girl that age possibly have?

I wanted to reach through the screen when Pageant Dad said he needed to go talk to his toddler because she didn't do her best today. Seriously? When my kid was 2, I thanked my lucky stars when I made it passed the candy in the grocery store without a meltdown and you're disappointed because she didn't blow kisses at the judges??? If you ask me, someone has their priorities way out of whack!

I also have to mention that in this particular episode, the moms were also competing against their daughters. Evidently it wasn't bad enough to be teaching these children that their worth is in their looks, they felt the need to add in fiercely competitive adult women and have them face off their kids for whose prettier. I know that sick and twisted helps create better drama (I watch American Horror Story after all) but I don't think it should ever be at the expense of kids. Not now, not ever.

Miss Spray Tan My Imperfect 6 Year Old at least handled that part with some amount of grace, while another mom actually bet her 9 year old that she would do better. She told her daughter that if she scored higher then the daughter was going to have to make her bed for a week. Her logic behind this... because it makes her do a better job in the pageant!

I don't ever claim to be a perfect mom. In fact, I'm very far from it. You can find evidence of just a couple of my many parenting failure moments here and here if you're interested. But I truly feel these parents should have been / or should sterilized. There is no way they should be allowed to reproduce ever again and have the opportunity to torture their kids with makeup, fake nails, false eyelashes, hair extensions, and spray tanning just so they can capitalize financially on their child's looks.

Okay, I'll get off my soap box now... Please feel free to share your thoughts too.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

There's An App For That!

I forgot just how hard 5th grade homework can be! When I first shared that post, I originally thought it was funny. Today? Eh... Not so much! At the rate I'm going, I'm going to become outdated when it comes to homework help. Oh wait! I already am!

Lena has started the dreaded states. Ugh! Her first state test is next week and it's going to require a whole lot of studying... For both of us. Tonight, she presented me with two maps at homework time.

One that look like this...

And one that looked like this...

And then, I looked like this... In my head...

Of course, I had to play it off like I knew exactly which states were which. Thank goodness the teacher provided a parental answer key or I'd be screwed. It's been a long time since I had to identify the states. And certainly even longer since I had to know them by shape. Is it wrong to feel better that she didn't know them either?

I have exactly a week to get myself united (hehe, sorry couldn't resist) and figure out which squiggly line is which. To help me (and her) in this process I pulled Amazon up immediately. I knew there had to be a way to make this a little more fun for both of us. And guess what, there's an app for that! I don't know how people survived without internet, tablets, computers, and all other fantasical wifi savior-type devices. I'm soooo glad I live in a time where my inadequacies can quickly be masked by my Kindle Fire co-parenting dependency.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Dear Teenagers


Dear Teenagers:

I'm not entirely certain what caused you to yell to me and several other motorists on my trek home from work today. Upon seeing your license plate as you pulled up to harass the next vehicle in line it occurred to me that you are mostly likely seriously misguided. The definition of Ghetto is as follows: a part of a city, especially a slum area, occupied by a minority group or groups. Seeing as how you were four white kids, driving around in a car most likely purchased by Mr. Fabulous' parents since I highly doubt a job flipping burgers somewhere could pay for that, in Schererville (which certainly doesn't meet the requirements of a slum)... I think it's pretty safe to say that someone has misplaced their dictionary. I highly recommend that you pick up a book prior to sending in for personalized license plates when you don't actually know the meaning of the word. It is no way cool or trendy to stamp I'm an uneducated moron on the back of your vehicle for all to see. 

And I'm sorry, but I do have to ask, what parent allows their child to get such plates on the back of the car they're obviously paying for? It may be just me, but this somehow makes think that mom and dad may need a brief English lesson as well.

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