NO! I Will NOT Sign The Punishment "Behavioral" Contract the School Sent Home Today!

Dear Mrs. Teacher, Mrs. Principal, and Mrs. Student Councilor:

I apologize, but I will not be signing the behavioral contract that I received this evening that was sent home with Lena. There are several reasons why I am making this decision, despite my daughter's protest. For starters, I'm very well aware of the fact that there was an incident that occurred this week where several of the 5th grade students in Lena's class were being bullied via Instagram. She came home extremely upset the other day because one of her friends was a target of this horrific behavior. Initially when I saw that there was a letter stapled to her assignment notebook, I assumed it was a notification to the parents regarding this matter. I must say that I am absolutely shocked that instead of communicating what is happening in the classroom we are sent home a contract asking for blanket permission to punish our children however you see fit to in the moment based on extremely broad and undefined expectations. 

I am even more disturbed by this because it states that parents will be contacted after the child has received the chosen consequences. Which I have trouble believing will happen anyway. For example: Lena has already received one of the consequences on this list this week. She admits that she failed to complete an assignment as expected and therefore had to forfeit recess in order to finish it. While I absolutely agree with this choice, there has certainly been no contact with me what so ever regarding this matter. 

In fact, I have not been contacted about anything this year. The only communication I have received about anything is a check box on her progress reports that come home every few months. It has been me who has reached out to the school asking for more information when the box was marked "needs improvement", not the school reaching out to me to let me know my child needs help. We parents are not in the classroom and therefore we rely on the school to communicate with us when something is going on with our children there. If the school is willing to let our kids fall behind for months at a time academically, I have an extremely hard time believing that communication will be forthcoming regarding their behavior. Especially since in my personal experience, just this week, the school has already failed to uphold a "promise" in the contract. 

I am extremely lucky that Lena is honest with me about what goes on even when she knows there may be additional repercussions here at home for misbehavior at school. Even when she told me about missing recess this week, I defended Mrs. Teacher’s choice and told her that if she doesn't complete her work then she should miss recess. However, there have been times when she's been clipped down for things that were not even her fault, such as when I forgot to sign her assignment notebook due to one of the many 2 hour delays that we've had this season. I don't get a two hour delay from work and it slipped my mind, yet my daughter received the punishment for my actions. 

Personally speaking, I've always disagreed with the "clip" system at Lake Prairie. I feel it publicly embarrasses our children in front of their peers and this certainly isn't the appropriate way to discipline children. When you embarrass, degrade, and diminish children (especially in front of their friends) this only leads to increased anxiety which perpetuates the cycle of bad behavior. The clip system has been in place all year and based on the fact that the contract was sent home, evidently this method isn't working. 

I have been a Lake Prairie mom for many years and at the end of the day I have a great appreciation for everything this school has been for and done for my daughter. However, the letter attached to the contract did not have one positive thing to say about the students. The long list of negative comments struck me in a way that I simply couldn't let go. I fully expect that Lena will not be clipped down or punished in any way for my decision. I do not want her involved in this in anyway, which is why I chose to send an email rather than a note. Should you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me directly. 

Sincerely,

Laura Stephenson

I'll Take One Standardized Assessment Test Decoder Ring Please

As I was shuffling through Lena's "mail" folder tonight looking for the results of the Western States Test that we studied our butts off for, I noticed that they had also sent home the second round of pretest results for the impending ISAT.

Before I get on my soap box, I just want to say that the printable flashcards worked! After putting in 3 weeks of hardcore study time she only missed two of the abbreviations. In my eyes, she aced it. Hell, I probably wouldn't have done half as well and we were doing it together. At the end of the day she could have missed every single one and I wouldn't have cared, because I know that she tried her hardest.

That's just it though, we've been doing our hardest ALL. FREAKING. YEAR. I'm not certain what it is about 5th grade that launched us into an onslaught of one academic nightmare after the other, but we're trying to make the best of it as we go.

Tonight though, I did something that I don't ever recall doing in past years. I looked long and hard at the pretest results. Earlier in the year during my parent teach conference, her teacher had informed me that Lena had failed the reading portion. Um, excuse me, not to sound like a conceited ass... but she's never failed anything. Ever. Up until that moment her grades have always been above the average state level.

I took a few moments to throw myself a mental pity party and share how I would be losing that Mother of the Year Award, but ultimately we immediately got down to business and started focusing on the areas the teacher had recommended. She does her mom mandated 30 minutes of reading during the week nights, we study for every upcoming test, and we even do the extra credit challenges that are sent home. Her report card shows that she's improving, but I was shocked to see that the pretest had only progressed a couple of measly points.

There were 3 tests in total: Math, Reading/Language, and Social Studies and I just don't see how that's possible to get two sets of polar opposite results... And that's when I started to read the list of categories the test covered. Here's just a few of them that made me stop and go WTF:

• Knowledge of Language: I would really like to know how a kid who started telling me "Well actually mom..." when she was only 2 doesn't have a knowledge of language? I've had strangers literally make comments to me while we're standing in the grocery checkout line because they were amazed at the words that were coming out of her mouth (in a good way). Are they putting the tests in Latin now or something? I would love the opportunity to see what constitutes as their ideal knowledge of language.
• Production and Distribution of Writing: Are our 10 and 11 year old's publishing books in school now or something? How exactly does someone produce and distribute on a multiple choice test?
• Students will trace the historical periods, places, people, events, and movements that have led to the development of Indiana as a state: I don't recall anything about the history of Indiana ever being sent home for us to study. And believe me, with all the studying we've had to do, I would have noticed. 
• Read and interpret thematic maps: I don't even know what a thematic map is and you expect my 5th grader to know? Maybe if the kids actually had a Social Studies book I might be able to look it up and figure it out with her. 

In total, there are 4 pages all double sided with crap like this on it and I can't make heads or tails out of most of it. I know that they have to find a way to issue a broad test. There's never going to be a "one size fits all." But would it be too much to ask for the school to actually teach our kids the information before they start testing them on it?

50 States Printable Flashcards

Report cards finally came yesterday after some delay due to the arctic blizzard we had a couple weeks ago. I was thrilled to see that the hard work Lena has been putting in this quarter is paying off. The areas she'd received an unsatisfactory in have moved up to progressing. We're not at the finish line yet, but we're getting there.

One of the areas she still needs help in is Geography. Since they're only one test per quarter on the states and capitals, it means we have to get it right on the next test to improve her grade. At first we tried using an app for her Kindle. Honestly, it's a really great app, she just couldn't get into it.

We moved on to writing them 5 times each in hopes that maybe the repetition would help it stick with the capitals the same way that it does with the spelling words... No such luck.

This time around, we're doing flashcards. I found a great site last night that had TONS of options so you can print out which flashcards you need. You can check it out here. I spent over an hour last night making friends with Elmer's Glue and a stack of index cards. I'm fairly certain I have a permanent indent in my thumb from the scissors, but if this method works it was well worth it!

Back To The Sh*t List For Me

The time has finally come to rejoice... Winter break is over! Technically speaking, it was supposed to be over last Sunday. Thanks to our lovely blizzard however, Lena got a 3 day extension on her's. Little does she know, they're just going to tack those days on in the end. But what she doesn't know won't hurt her and I'm certainly not going to tell her either.

While I am busy doing the happy dance, she's busy giving me nasty looks. Nevermind the fact that she's been bored for about a week now. The news that there were no more snow days seriously deflated all her hopes and dreams.

School means those dirty words again... Reading Time. I mentioned back in October that she was struggling with reading and I have been a bit of a Nazi about making sure she gets in her reading time ever since. Break however, is just that, a break. I loosened the reigns and let her simply enjoy her time off. She was allowed to stay up late (well, at least until I was ready for bed which isn't really all that late) and I didn't mandate her 30 minutes of nightly book time.

With school literally on the horizon tomorrow, I let her know that she would need to do her reading again starting tonight. She really thought I was kidding about that. When her customary time rolled around the amount of shock and disgust she felt was evident in her voice when she asked if I was truly serious.

Yes ma'am I am... So it's back to the shit list for me. Oh well!

My Amazing Teenager

I am incredibly grateful for Paige this morning! She really saved our rear-ends. Lately, she's been coming down to our house on Thursday nights since she has to work weekends. When we take her to work on Saturday she goes home afterward since she has to work again on Sunday. Living an hour from James' girls is extremely less than convenient (I can't wait till we move closer this summer), but we've managed to find a way to make it work.

This morning, it was seriously a life saver that she was here. Lena is currently on her choir tour today to all the schools in town and the library. I made sure she showered last night, I blow dried her hair so it would be easier to straighten in the morning, and we laid out her required outfit. Literally as we're getting ready to walk out the door, Lena freezes in her tracks, and tells me "Oh mom! I forgot! I need a lunch today." Most people would think this was obvious, however she's a hot lunch kid. I don't ever make her a lunch really. I just deposit money into her account every payday and then it's one less thing I have to worry about. Well... She won't be at school today for lunch, i.e. she needed a sack lunch. Ummm... SHIT!

 I've mentioned several times before that neither Lena nor myself are exactly morning people and that she's also terribly distracted constantly. We're always rushing out the door at the last possible moment and pulling up to the stop as the bus gets there (or sometimes after the bus gets there and then we rush two more stops up and do a drive-by shove out let her get on with Luke instead). Even with all my preparation the night before, this morning was really no different than the others. There simply was just not time to make her this lunch that she failed to mention to me in the last two weeks. Coincidentally, she had also lost the sheet that came home with all details I would need. Frankly, she's lucky she had pants!

But I'm getting off track here... At that moment, I was faced with either A) being late to work to make this lunch and then drive her into school OR B) I could wake up Paige and ask her to drive Lena into school. Keep in mind folks, were talking about a teenager here, and her ability to sleep is one that I envy and miss greatly. Typically, we don't have her help out with the kids because she does enough of that at her other home (there are 6 kids in total there). We believe in our house she should be the kid and not a co-parent. I did end up waking up Paige though, this was an emergency after all, and thank the freaking gods she was willing and hell, even happy to help me out of this jam.

I kissed both my girls goodbye and dashed out the door. I made it to work with two minutes to spare thanks to Paige. She's one amazing kid and I'm grateful for her always, but especially today!

There Goes That Mother of The Year Award!

If you're looking for a sure fire way to feel like the world's shittiest mom, attend a parent teacher conference. Then ice that with a thick layer of mommy works too much guilt trip.

I always dread going to a parent teacher conferences. I brace myself for them telling me time and time again that Lena is too social and prefers to chatter with her friends instead of completing her assignments. I'm all too aware that my daughter is not exactly a prized self-starter when it comes to work. Be it at school or at home, it requires an extreme amount of coaxing (and sometimes yelling) to motivate her to accomplish tasks that do not interest her. I walked into the conference last night expecting her teacher to give me the run down on tasks Lena drug out due to her constant state of verbal diarrhea.

At first I was pleasantly surprised when she assured me that was not an issue. And then the moment arrived where I felt like the trusting idiot on Survivor... BLINDSIDE! Lena may not be talking her head off, but she's also not comprehending what she reads either.As her teacher slid the results of the practice standardized test across the desk I could feel my heart racing and my mouth grow dry. Lena didn't pass. She's below average. If we don't correct this problem by the real test date, thanks to the no child left behind rule, my daughter will be repeating 5th grade.

She scored in the top percentile on math again, but you have to have two oars to row the 5th grade boat and currently she's paddling in circles. I refuse to let her be held back and while I wanted to burst into tears right there, I swallowed my heart back down and asked what I needed to do. The teacher told me that she needs to read at home and that I need to get her to think deeper about what she's reading. She can read the words just fine, but she's not retaining the information. She advised that I choose books with a ZPD of 3.5 - 5.5 and sent me on my way.

Me being me, immediately when I got home I went in search of a reading list. Catch this folks, there isn't one! The great state of Indiana uses the ZPD system, however, not a single publisher out there actually scores their books that way. Helpful, right? I did manage to find a chart for Reading Comfort Level that took the not-so-handy ZPD level and translated it into the corresponding Grade Equivalent Score. Which, by the way, is how books are actually classified for children. Armed with this new school system decoder ring, I started cross referencing the good old Scholastic Book Club only to receive the second punch in the stomach for the evening. Ultimately I discovered she has a 3rd grade reading level. That's the kind of books that fit into her recommended category. At that moment all I could think was HOW IN THE HELL DID THEY NOT CATCH THAT LAST YEAR???????

You would think that her 4th grade teacher might have mentioned something in our conferences. Hell, she could have sent a note home saying she was concerned. Something. Anything. Now she's lost an entire year that we could have been working on this issue. I knew she didn't like to read, but I didn't know she was having problems. It makes sense now. Instead of admitting she was having trouble, she just shrugged it off like she didn't enjoy it. Not that it eases the extreme amount of garbage parent that I feel like at the moment.

I know I'm not a mind reader, but I still should have known. I should have pressed harder. I should have dug deeper. I should have forced the issue a little more. Instead, I assumed because she is certainly more mathematically inclined that her lack of enthusiasm for reading was probably normal. I'm passionate about reading and writing and while I can do math... I prefer not to if I can help it. I just assumed that Lena was the same way with opposite subjects. Evidently my apple fell a little further from the tree than I thought.

As I sat with her and explained that we will need to read for at least 30 minutes every night she burst into tears. I assured her that I would be reading whatever book she is and that we would work through this together. This did not seem to console her at all. Instead she kept crying and told me that reading will take away all the time she has with me at night. "I barely get to see you, you're always at work. By the time you get home all I ever get to do is eat dinner, shower, and do my homework. Now I'll have even less time to spend with you every night!" Way to make mommy feel like a complete ass, thanks kid. Ultimately, I know it's not about spending time with me or not, it's about the fact that she equates reading with medieval torture. However, it still tugged at my heart strings and irritated the already large amount of guilt I feel because I do work. At the moment though, I can't change that fact. Believe me, I'm trying to find a job I can telecommute.

Once I finally got her to stop her tears, we started looking at what we could read together. The only books that held any interest to her at all are the Series of Unfortunate Events. She's currently working on book 4, although I'm seriously second guessing how much of the stories she's actually read and retained. I'm halfway tempted to make her go back and reread them all. James is picking up the first three of them for me from Paige so I can start reading them and catch up to where she is. If I'm going to help her, I'm going to have to roll my sleeves up and dive into the stories too. How else are we going to talk about them if I don't even know what we're talking about?

Lemony Snickets... Here I come.

There's An App For That!

I forgot just how hard 5th grade homework can be! When I first shared that post, I originally thought it was funny. Today? Eh... Not so much! At the rate I'm going, I'm going to become outdated when it comes to homework help. Oh wait! I already am!

Lena has started the dreaded states. Ugh! Her first state test is next week and it's going to require a whole lot of studying... For both of us. Tonight, she presented me with two maps at homework time.

One that look like this...

And one that looked like this...

And then, I looked like this... In my head...

Of course, I had to play it off like I knew exactly which states were which. Thank goodness the teacher provided a parental answer key or I'd be screwed. It's been a long time since I had to identify the states. And certainly even longer since I had to know them by shape. Is it wrong to feel better that she didn't know them either?

I have exactly a week to get myself united (hehe, sorry couldn't resist) and figure out which squiggly line is which. To help me (and her) in this process I pulled Amazon up immediately. I knew there had to be a way to make this a little more fun for both of us. And guess what, there's an app for that! I don't know how people survived without internet, tablets, computers, and all other fantasical wifi savior-type devices. I'm soooo glad I live in a time where my inadequacies can quickly be masked by my Kindle Fire co-parenting dependency.

When Germs Attack (Insert Horror Music Here)

Well, I'm 100% certain now that school is back in session (as if there was any doubt). Lena, who seems to be feeling better today has managed to pawn her grubby little germs off throughout the rest of the house. James just tucked himself into bed looking a very ghostly shade of white with sweat pouring down his head. I'm seriously considering sleeping on the couch tonight in fear of climbing into a swimming pool under the covers. Which, needless to say, I'd really rather not.

Last night, even I was in bed by 9:30. That's unheard of in our house, because I'm typically a night owl. Even when I know I'm going to regret it in the morning, I still tend to stay up late. Plus, my sister, who was over this weekend, has also come down with the lovely wet hacking cough that both girls were kind enough to spread around the house on various surfaces. Despite my Clorox wipe rampage, it appears it's a battle that I have lost. Oh joy!

It occurred to me this morning, that the same thing was going around our house last year at this time. The only reason I know this is because she was coughing her first day of choir... Coincidentally today was the first day of choir and again the same thing. I'm positive things like this are the culprit...

Lighting Is Everything

This week at Lena's school has a theme for each day to help raise money for Riley's Children's Hospital. They do this every year, which I think is wonderful! I love that they're getting the kids involved and teaching them the importance of helping others. However, it would have been nice if the school had actually sent a note home letting us know about these themes ahead of time.

The last couple mornings around my house have been a mad scramble trying to assemble the appropriate outfit for Lena. Yesterday was sports day so we had to locate her Bears jersey that she got for Christmas. Sorry to say, but the kid ended up going in it unwashed, because she didn't bother to let me know the night before so I could toss it in the laundry. I quickly did a smell and spot check, dressed her up, and sent her on her way. Oops!

This morning she informs me that it's going to Wacky Wednesday. I don't keep a whole lot of insane outfit combinations just laying around (though I suppose she could have worn her Hermione Granger costume if all else failed) but we ended up deciding on a beach theme.

It made perfect sense to both of us that the concept of wearing beach gear in January was about as wacky as you could get right about now. We grabbed her cover up out of the closet and threw on a tank top (figured a bathing suit might grab in all the uncomfortable places if worn too long) and a pair of jeans to keep her little legs warm. I also sprayed her with my Bath & Body Works Passport Tahiti so that she would smell of coconut for good measure.

As an after thought, we recently acquired a massive set of pixie dust glitter that my sister Holly had brought to do art the weekend she spent with us. They had a lovely gold in there that we thought could pass as sun dust in her hair.

I shared the photo below on FB this morning and should have either a) put a disclaimer on it or b) taken a different photo with more light.

Evidently my family thought I was posting some sort of public service announcement, because their comments were asking if Lena had lice! I guess when you're just looking at a thumbnail photo and don't bother to read the caption about putting sun in her hair I could see where you would get this idea. I'll have to make sure to shine a flash light on her head the next time we add glitter.