Ask Yourself, Are You Within 5% of Your First Date Weight?

I'm sitting here eating my last few slices of left over pizza today that we'll be having for a while. Since James had surgery on his shoulder back in May he's been feeling extremely anxious about his body and the physical limitations that the surgery resulted in for him. He's always been a sports nut for as long as I've known him: baseball, racket ball, flag football, etc. Regardless of the season he's always been active in something. Since they literally had to cut away pieces of his muscle, the doctor told him it would be a year at least before he'll be able to be fully active again like he's used to.

In the beginning it was just annoying for him. Since he was still in pain for a while though, there wasn't this strong desire to run out and jump right back into something right away. As the months have passed by, the pain has gone away, the anxiety has started to build, and he's reached his breaking point. He talks constantly about how much he misses playing sports and that he's really unhappy with the amount of weight he's gained. Personally, I still think he looks great and he's certainly nowhere near fat. In fact, he's only about 5 pounds over ideal weight according to the physical he just had last month. For him though, it's a really big deal. He says he feels huge and he's tired of constantly being, well, tired.

We introduced Paige this weekend to Christopher Titus: Love Is Evol (which is by far the most hilarious comedy skit on the planet) and it evidently snapped the final straw for James. Christopher Titus asks the audience if things are not as "hot" as they used to be. Then he asks you to honestly ask yourself if you're within 5% of your first date weight. "Now, you can get mad at that OR you can get a treadmill. Up to you!"

If I'm being totally honest, things are not as hot as they used to be. We've been struggling for several months now because quit frankly, he has no sex drive and it's making me absolutely insane! Everything else in our relationship is great. We don't really fight, we have 3 happy healthy kids, and I'm still crazy in love with him. Probably more now than I was when I first fell for him. I've tried just about everything... Romantic candlelight room, sexy jammies, massage, hell, I even went and got him a testosterone booster from the Lion's Den... Nothing has improved. As we were going to bed after the skit, he mentioned that he's going to find a gym this week because he's done feeling like this. What it comes down to is that he doesn't feel sexy even though I think he is and that's killing it for him.

I fully support the idea of him doing some strength training to get his shoulder back where it needs to be. He's not really ready to be swinging a bat just yet, but I think he could handle slowly building up that muscle again without doing any damage. But this decision of course sparked another comment from him about my weight. I fully recognize that I'm not within that 5% mark of our first date weight this time around. I am however exactly the weight I was the first time we dated several years ago. This last time, when we'd first started dating I had just left 3 years working as an assistant manager at a Brazilian Steakhouse. I was the thinnest I'd ever been. Granted, I was also running on nothing besides salad, steak, and enough caffeine to power a small country. While I was thin, I constantly felt like garbage. Mostly due to severe sleep deprivation.

His comment though, was "Well, you did look better." Which went off like an atomic bomb in my head. He's been claiming for months that it's just the way he feels about himself as to why we're not as active as before. That one little comment however tells me that it's also that his attraction to me on a physical level has diminished. It stung like hell to hear, but if I'm being honest with myself, I can understand where the comment came from. I had posted back in October that there would be no more excuses, which by the way didn't happen. But if I learned anything this weekend, it's that I really need to stick to that and do something about it. I don't want to be his roommate, I want more than that, and if that's how we get back there then I'm all in!

Double Bomb Part 1

I don't even know where to begin today... Our week has been rather, um, eventful. Paige, our oldest, dropped a couple of different bombs on us this week and we're still trying to mentally catch up so I'll be doing this post in two parts.

James went and picked up the girls Christmas afternoon and we had Paige and Anne all week. Honestly, I love having them here so it's always great when we get them for extended periods of time. We had a house full of people until around 8 o'clock and then everyone settled into their respective spaces. Lena and Anne hauled up in there room to play with the new toys, James headed off to bed shortly after since he had to work the next morning, and I stayed up with Paige to visit for a bit.

I've mentioned before that I think she's a pretty amazing kid and I still think so. She confided in me Christmas night however that her and her boyfriend had done the deed. Or in her exact words "We ummmm... Yeah. You know? That."

In all truth, sex has been a pretty open topic in my household growing up, so it doesn't really phase me much. I've always been honest with Lena about the basics (no gory details), because I believe that when you make something into a huge deal then it becomes a huge deal. I know some parents would probably be horrified that I'm up front with my 11 year old about what sex is and how it happens. But in my personal opinion, I believe that if I make it into something shameful then later on down the road it will encourage her to keep secrets about whatever curiosities may strike her. I'd much rather she'd not be scared to approach me on the subject.

I feel sorta the same way with Paige. There's a huge exception though... I'm not technically her parent. I know and understand that she's 19 years old and that her and her boyfriend have been together almost 3 years now. Hearing it didn't make me uncomfortable because I know she's old enough to make that choice and it didn't happen with some weirdo she just met. Being the only person she told however, that put me in a rather tough spot. Mostly, I just listened to what she had to say and I gave her advice when she asked. All the while I'm busy thinking, how the hell does she think I won't tell her dad?

I let her know that I don't keep secrets from him and that she needed to fess up to him. I also strongly encouraged her to tell her mom. I told her that her dad won't be mad, that we just want her to be safe. However, Paige is scared of almost everything (which is what kept her waiting so long in the first place thankfully). She told me she knew she needed to tell them, but she doesn't want them to get mad at her. Paige does not do confrontation well with anyone, but especially her parents. Instead she hides things and pretends they don't exist. She does exactly what I'm trying to teach Lena not to do.

I gave her a full 24 hours to tell James before I told him he needed to go talk to her about her and the boyfriend.

The moment I mentioned it he already knew what she had to tell him. He looked straight at me and asked "It's sex, isn't it?" Well, I'm not going to lie... So I said yes. As I expected he wasn't mad at all. In fact, he went straight into our room and fished out the box of condoms we'd bought months ago for her when we figured she was getting close to being ready. Even though there was no yelling, no I'm disappointed, no retaliation of any kind, she stayed beat red and tight lipped about it. She admitted that it had happened and that was all he could get out of her. I guess at least it's out there and she knows if she needs to talk to him about it ever, she won't have to worry about losing her head.

Knowing however had now left James and I with some concerns. Usually Paige comes down on Thursday nights and her and the boyfriend spend Friday during the day together at our house while we're at work. Do we continue to allow this or do we put a halt to this now? Do we keep condoms stocked in the house or do we let it be their responsibility to get them? We're not really sure just yet. I'm fairly certain that they'll find a way whether we facilitate it or not, but the question is, if we make it safer her for her to do it or we really helping her or not? I don't know.