New Wheels and a Week With No Kids Makes This Mama Lose Her Mind

It was a BIG weekend for us. Paige officially got her very first car. Technically, she started the process of purchasing it about 6 weeks ago. But the car was bought from one of James' coworkers for only $500 and there were a few things that needed to be done to it before it was road ready. Her license plates finally arrived on Friday, so we took the car in to have the new windshield put on for her that very same night. By Saturday afternoon, she was off! I mean it. Less than 10 minutes of having the car, she was gone.

James of course immediately started having a panic attack. I think he was looking at his phone every 5 minutes to see if the National Guard was calling because something might have happen to her. But she made it to and from work on her own for the first time safe and sound.

Paige and I actually have a lunch date tomorrow since the shop I work at is also putting new tires on the car for her. She worked really hard to purchase her car and we're beyond proud!

While James was busy stressing out about Paige driving, I was busy packing up Lena to spend her entire week long spring break at her best friend's new house. She's never spent that long anywhere but Grandma's house before, so agreeing to part with her for such an extended period of time was a big deal for me.

The little boy on the left is her best friend in the whole world and he moved over Christmas break. It's been 3 full months since they've seen each other since he now lives 2 hours away from us. They talk almost every day, but Lena's been in bit of a slump since he's been gone. She doesn't really play with any of the other kids in our neighborhood. I tried to get her to go out and ride her bike the other day while it was nice, but she asked me what's the point since her friend is not there anymore anyway. 

When his mom called last week and asked if she could take her for spring break, because he's missing her just as much as she's missing him, I sucked it up and let her go. I'm certain she's having a blast and I'm sure that's why she hasn't called her mother in 48 hours.

I'll be picking her up next Sunday, so that means that James and I have an entire week with no kids. The house was uncomfortably quiet for me last night after we took Anne home. So uncomfortably quiet in fact that I told James that maybe we should have another baby. We've tossed the subject around here and there, but in that moment I was dead serious about it.

I'm not really sure what to do with myself without a single kid in the house and it makes me wonder what I'm going to do in a few years when they're really gone.

 

Phase or Foreshadowing?

I have insisted for a very long time now that Lena will be the one and only biological child I will ever have. When she was younger, like 3 or 4, I really did want another one. The circumstances and the person that I was with at the time just were not right to venture into baby making territory. As time passed and she got older the idea of starting all over again from infancy just simply did not have the same appeal. Now that she'll be 11 in just 5 more weeks, the fact that I'm sorta feeling the baby bug lately just seems like all out insanity!

Ummmm... Maybe?

I'm not entirely sure who's Koolaid I accidentally drank, but I really think I picked up the wrong cup. This uninvited baby fever is making me feel several cards short of a deck right about now. I was so young when I had Lena, which honestly I think made me a better mom (I had the energy), and I've been looking forward to the fact that I will still be semi-young when she goes off to college. I have always had plans for when that time came.

I had a set idea on how the rest of my days would play out. Granted, I also thought I'd most likely be single for the rest of my child-bearing days as well. I never expected James to come into the picture and I certainly never expected that he'd be the kind of person I could see that sort of future with.

We dated a couple of times before and it just never worked out. When we entered into round 3 I found that he was a totally different person than what I remembered. See, I've known him for almost 8 years and after his divorce from Anne and Paige's mom he was a downright bitter and resentful person (not that I blame him, she did sleep with the neighbor). I could not handle all the negativity that he carried around with him and it just sort of fizzled out the first couple times. Since he learned to let go of his anger I've discovered that he's an amazing person. He certainly puts up with all my crazy antics and loves me despite the drama that comes in spades with my family. He knew what he was getting himself into and the fact that he didn't run screaming in terror from my mother sealed the deal on him being a keeper in my eyes.

It certainly doesn't hurt that he's a damn good father to both of his girls and mine either.

Now that we've been together over a year it has sparked an blitzkrieg from both our families. When are you getting married? When are you going to give me another grandchild? When, when, when??? Holy sh*t people, slow down! Speaking from two people both previously married and both previously divorced, neither one of us is in any particular hurry. We love each other and we will get there, but weddings are freaking expensive and damnit, I want a house more. Anne and Lena need to not share a room any longer than absolutely necessary for the sake of our sanity. We have plans, we have goals, and ultimately... We have a budget.

I have to admit though, since getting into the blogging community and seeing everyone else's babies that I'm feeling the long dormant yearning. When we went to Toys 'R Us today for Anne to spend her gift card, she wasn't the only one day dreaming about buying up half the store. We just happened to be browsing in a different section than her and Lena. While the two girls were drooling over the new DISNEY INFINITY Starter Pack Xbox 360 we were fantasizing about car seats, cribs, and the Lightning McQueen toddler bed.

I know how badly he wants another baby. He always planned to have more and the idea of trying for a boy is one that excites him to no end. It weighs on me that I'm the last hope for carrying on his family name sometimes and his mother certainly has no problem laying that one on thick every time we come over. His mom and his sister have already planned my baby shower, or at least that's what they told me a few weeks ago as they corned me in the kitchen with the when, when, when's.

But I don't feel it for their sake right now, I feel it for mine. Every time I see someone with a baby there is a huge part of me that is jealous. Usually I make myself think about everything that comes with it: lack of sleep, dirty diapers, bottles, baby bags, etc. And then... I think about the socks. Damn tiny baby socks, they get me every time. I just can't picture those itty bitty pieces of cotton and not melt.

Part of me is hoping this is just a phase that I'm going through and part of me is hoping I'm just crazy enough to do it.