Sorry About The Future Therapy Kid... Mom's a Little Nuts!

Last night was Lena's choir concert and like all moms, I was extremely proud of my little girl. I'm kicking myself right now, because I already transferred all the videos on my phone over to my external drive last night and forgot to upload them to my YouTube Channel.

My mom wasn't able to make it since her car is broken again, so the moment I got home I hurried up and loaded them onto my regular Facebook page for Gramma to see and completely spaced out everything else. That's okay, I'm certain no one other than Gram wants to see an hour of a children's choir anyway. It's just one of those things that mothers love... When it's their own child. But here she is before we rushed out the door...

I made sure to get there super early, like 45 minutes early, this year to make sure I got good seats. Last year, I ended up stuck at work a little late and by the time I arrived I was seated all the way toward the back and could hardly see my munchkin. Both James and Lena thought I was being a bit excessive (and maybe I was) but there was no way I was not sitting in front this year.

As it turns out, even with all of my over-zealous seat obsession, I watched in almost utter horror as my daughter walked out and promptly walked all the way to the opposite end of the stage from where we were sitting. How could I let this happen? I was on the wrong freaking side!

I immediately leaped up and dashed to the other side of the gym. I'm pretty certain I embarrassed the living daylights out of Lena with my lightening reflexes, since no other parent moved an inch when the kids filed out and Lena had her face buried behind her hands.I suppose leaping like a gazelle across the isle and almost sliding across the gym floor wasn't the smoothest move I could have made. I'm also guessing that either A) the other children were kind enough to inform their parents of what side to sit on or B) that I'm really the only freak parent out there who doesn't care what other people think. I'm going to go with A, if for no other reason that to make myself feel better.

I was full on prepared to sit squarely on the floor (again, there was no way I wasn't sitting in the front). Thankfully, there was a kind old Gramma who took pity on me and had a spare seat next to her that she was kind enough to share with me. I thanked her and said hello to the mom on the other side who literally rolled her eyes at my greeting and proceeded to ignore my existence for the remainder of the evening. Sheesh... Someone's a GRINCH.

The only moment through the whole concert Lena smiled was when her Auntie Ma'mie got there during the second song, otherwise she was busy giving me dirty looks between songs.

But I don't care. I got a front row seat. I tapped the whole darn thing. And we kept the tradition my family has had since we were little and celebrated with DQ afterward.

Phase or Foreshadowing?

I have insisted for a very long time now that Lena will be the one and only biological child I will ever have. When she was younger, like 3 or 4, I really did want another one. The circumstances and the person that I was with at the time just were not right to venture into baby making territory. As time passed and she got older the idea of starting all over again from infancy just simply did not have the same appeal. Now that she'll be 11 in just 5 more weeks, the fact that I'm sorta feeling the baby bug lately just seems like all out insanity!

Ummmm... Maybe?

I'm not entirely sure who's Koolaid I accidentally drank, but I really think I picked up the wrong cup. This uninvited baby fever is making me feel several cards short of a deck right about now. I was so young when I had Lena, which honestly I think made me a better mom (I had the energy), and I've been looking forward to the fact that I will still be semi-young when she goes off to college. I have always had plans for when that time came.

I had a set idea on how the rest of my days would play out. Granted, I also thought I'd most likely be single for the rest of my child-bearing days as well. I never expected James to come into the picture and I certainly never expected that he'd be the kind of person I could see that sort of future with.

We dated a couple of times before and it just never worked out. When we entered into round 3 I found that he was a totally different person than what I remembered. See, I've known him for almost 8 years and after his divorce from Anne and Paige's mom he was a downright bitter and resentful person (not that I blame him, she did sleep with the neighbor). I could not handle all the negativity that he carried around with him and it just sort of fizzled out the first couple times. Since he learned to let go of his anger I've discovered that he's an amazing person. He certainly puts up with all my crazy antics and loves me despite the drama that comes in spades with my family. He knew what he was getting himself into and the fact that he didn't run screaming in terror from my mother sealed the deal on him being a keeper in my eyes.

It certainly doesn't hurt that he's a damn good father to both of his girls and mine either.

Now that we've been together over a year it has sparked an blitzkrieg from both our families. When are you getting married? When are you going to give me another grandchild? When, when, when??? Holy sh*t people, slow down! Speaking from two people both previously married and both previously divorced, neither one of us is in any particular hurry. We love each other and we will get there, but weddings are freaking expensive and damnit, I want a house more. Anne and Lena need to not share a room any longer than absolutely necessary for the sake of our sanity. We have plans, we have goals, and ultimately... We have a budget.

I have to admit though, since getting into the blogging community and seeing everyone else's babies that I'm feeling the long dormant yearning. When we went to Toys 'R Us today for Anne to spend her gift card, she wasn't the only one day dreaming about buying up half the store. We just happened to be browsing in a different section than her and Lena. While the two girls were drooling over the new DISNEY INFINITY Starter Pack Xbox 360 we were fantasizing about car seats, cribs, and the Lightning McQueen toddler bed.

I know how badly he wants another baby. He always planned to have more and the idea of trying for a boy is one that excites him to no end. It weighs on me that I'm the last hope for carrying on his family name sometimes and his mother certainly has no problem laying that one on thick every time we come over. His mom and his sister have already planned my baby shower, or at least that's what they told me a few weeks ago as they corned me in the kitchen with the when, when, when's.

But I don't feel it for their sake right now, I feel it for mine. Every time I see someone with a baby there is a huge part of me that is jealous. Usually I make myself think about everything that comes with it: lack of sleep, dirty diapers, bottles, baby bags, etc. And then... I think about the socks. Damn tiny baby socks, they get me every time. I just can't picture those itty bitty pieces of cotton and not melt.

Part of me is hoping this is just a phase that I'm going through and part of me is hoping I'm just crazy enough to do it.

Yesterday I Was "Nowhere Near It"

It's not even 7:30 and our house is already in full swing. James was off to work at 4am and the girls are getting showered and ready to head to the "Back to School Party" at our little POA. There are things I both love and hate about living in a little town. The little events our neighborhood hosts for the kids around here is one of those things that I love. It's never anything fancy, but it gives the kids a chance to feel independent. They get to hop on their bikes and leave the parental units behind as they had off for a couple of authority free hours (save the community volunteers) and just hang out with their friends. Best of all... Mommy gets a break on Saturday morning.

I didn't bother posting yesterday because I was down right crabby. James has been taking Nyquil to try and smoother the cold he caught from the kids last weekend and it makes sleeping in the same bed as him rather unpleasant. For starters, it makes him sweat like a leaking faucet. For the past few nights I've been waking up moist. My skin feels like I just ran through the mist of a sprinkler and not in a good way. I've also been kicked, elbowed, had the covers stolen, and my side of the bed has constantly been invaded by his wayward legs. He's also started talking in his sleep. I've always loved that he's hardworking and dedicated to his job. But this man is literally dreaming of work.

My serious lack of sleep set the stage for a "I'm not taking your sh*t today!" attitude at work. I'd posted before about a co-worker of mine and her tendency to get, shall we say, sassy with me. In all truth, personally speaking, I like her. I think that we could be great friends outside of work. Professionally speaking however, it can be a little like oil and water. If you shake the bottle, we'll mix. It's the perfect cocktail for cooking up some really productive ideas and actions for our marketing. But, after a little while goes by, we settle and separate. It was really rocky a couple months ago when our manager made the decision to put me in charge of the marketing department. I never wanted her job, but I got it. Even through all of the resistance I got, I think we make a damn good team. Last month was the first month since I've been with the company that all 7 of our stores beat last year's number at the same time. We've always had one or two each month, but never all of them. We really over hauled all of our traditional marketing. I won't take all the credit for it though. We did it together. We got side by side in the trenches and poured our hearts into it full speed ahead. Yesterday however, she pulled a 180 on me and it just wasn't the right day to throw a tantrum. I simply didn't have the patience. At the end of the day, it's my butt on the line and her withholding important information about the projects we have in the works just isn't going to fly.

By the time I left work I was completely in defense mode. We have a birthday lunch today for Jame's brother at his parents' house and we were put in charge of making the homemade bread. I told him Tuesday when he mentioned it that we only have one bread pan, to which he responded "Okay." Then as I'm driving home last night he tells me that I need to get two more bread pans because we need three loaves for today. Poor guy, I chomped his head off. I work right near Bed Bath & Beyond (and I'm my sister's shopping buddy so I get to use the 20% employee discount) and was fuming that he didn't tell me this while I was actually near the store so I didn't have to make an extra trip. This leads back around to one of things I hate about living in a little town. We're a good half hour away from everything. There's no quick trips to the store. It's a big part of the reason we'll be moving next summer. But I'm getting off topic here... All I wanted to do yesterday was go home, put on my jammie pants, be lazy, and decompress. Nope, no such luck. However, on a normal day, I would just have said "no problem hunnie, you get the girls and Lena and I will handle the bread pans." Instead I chastised him for it because he "should have mentioned this Tuesday when I brought it up!"

I did get the bread pans. I did "accidentally" stop at the mall for some retail therapy and get a new pair of jeans that I was desperate need of. Most importantly though... I did end up apologizing for being a GIANT Sebastian. Thank goodness that man loves me through thick and thin. I'm grateful for him every day and I don't know what I'd do without him. He's my rock in all the chaos that comes with the everyday life of a working mom.

I'm Claiming Temporary Insanity

I've been claiming for months now that I'm going to do something about the weight that I've put on since taking a full time desk job. Before I was managing a restaurant, mostly office work, but also organizing banquets, hauling tables, greeting/seating guests, etc. It involved a LOT of running around, heavy lifting, and up and down stairs several times a day. Now... Not so much.

We have been planning a trip to Key Lime Cove since November, because we wanted to give the kids a trip for Christmas (who are we kidding, we wanted a vacation too). After careful research we decided what better gift than a weekend away at this water filled (most likely bacteria infested) wonderland!

We have tried to schedule a date several times over the past couple months, but life just kept getting in the way. Finally we settled on March 15th and booked it. No matter what life throws our way we're going. It set in stone. No ifs ands or buts about it!

This means, I have exactly 30 days to be bathing suit ready, which is what kicked off this whole crazy idea. I'm going to be sore and most likely resentful towards that skinny bitch Jillian Michaels, but (if I don't end up a corpse on my living room floor first) I will be thankful that I did this I'm sure.

When I get off work today I will go home and let the Wii Fit seriously massacre any self esteem I may potentially have, since it will most likely inflate my poor little Mii to cosmic proportions, so I can keep track of my progress over the next 30 days. Wish me luck!