Lena has not physically seen him since she was in 1st grade (almost 5 years now), however sometimes out of the blue he decides to call or send her text messages for a little while before fading off into the circus again for undetermined amounts of time. It seems as everything starts to settle from the last blip of less than adequate contact, he suddenly appears again as if some tiny little bell rang in his head signaling him that his absence was no longer making her miserable and that he better renew that ache she feels so she doesn't forget him.
I refuse to say anything negative about him to Lena and my answer has always been "He's just not grown up enough." I know it's not a sufficient answer, but it's the only one I have that doesn't include an endless string of swear words or graphically depicting the amount of bodily harm I'd like to inflict on him. So, it will have to do.
She called me at work yesterday and asked for our home number. She's never needed it before so this immediately sent off red warning flares in my head and it forced me to ask the question of why does she need this. Her first response was "just because." I know my daughter, that was an evasive answer because she didn't really want to tell me why she needed it. So I had to press a little harder and ask who she was planning on giving the number to exactly. Thankfully, my daughter is still honest with me. I think guilt would eat her alive if she actually tried to lie and conceal something from me. In the end, she knows I'd find out anyway. She admitted she wanted to give it to her dad.
Her dad has my cell phone number and her text plus number if he wants to communicate with her. Mean as it may sound, I do not want this man to have my home line. Ultimately, he is a stranger. If she has to use my cell phone to talk to him, then I'm home and able to monitor all communications between them. If they're texting on her Kindle, I can go back and read the messages he sent. Psychotic, maybe a little... However, several months back, he told her that he would be moving back from Georgia soon, but that he wanted to fly her down to Disney World with him, his wife, and his step-kids. The wife that told him she was uncomfortable with having Lena and I be a part of his life now that they're married (hence why he hasn't seen her since). Since Lena is old enough to be home alone for a couple hours after school until James or I get home (plus my sister is just down the street), it makes me terribly uncomfortable to think of them talking in a way that's impossible for me to monitor.
It broke my heart to tell her no, she can't call him from the house phone. It broke my heart to tell her that she would have to wait until I got home to talk to him. A girl should be able to talk to her dad without restrictions. But since we don't really know him anymore, I just can't let that happen. I have to be careful when and how much contact I allow because he fills her with promises and dreams that he never delivers on. I would never deny her the right to talk to her dad or see her dad (if he ever decided she was important enough to see again), but it has to be on my terms. I can't protect her from him breaking her heart over and over and over again, but I can hopefully lessen the damage by not allowing him free reign to tear her to pieces when I'm not around to hold her while she cries.
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